Poopapalooza

There's a story that's been told for years in my family. It's about my twin uncles, Mack and Frank, and how one afternoon when they were a couple of years old, they used the contents of a poopy diaper to create the most unholy mess imaginable. This is a funny story, sure to receive lots of laughs from listeners. However, I learned yesterday that while it's funny to hear that story, it;s not so funny to live it. You can imagine where this is going, but I'll tell you the gory details anyway.
Yesterday after breakfast the twins went into their room to play and closed the door behind them. Never one to to interrupt a rare occurrence of playing together happily, I let them play without disruption for nearly an hour. Well, I might should have gone in sooner, because the sight that greeted me when I finally went to check on them was like something out of a horror movie. Hays had stripped completely naked, and Will had almost managed the same (he still had his feet in his sleeper and was dragging it along as he walked.) They had both taken off their poopy diapers and used its contents as fingerpaint to decorate themselves, the floor, the walls, the door and several stuffed animals. The only place the shit hadn't hit was the fan. It was awful. Unbelievably awful. So awful that my first instinct was to close the door and leave them in there. As I stood in the hall on the other side of Armageddon, I pondered several solutions:
1. Leave home and never, never come back
2. Clean up the twins, but leave the room for Daddy
3. Sell the house and everything in it- twins included.
4. Start drinking
But being the good and responsible mother that I am, I decided to grit my teeth and clean up the worst, most disgusting mess I have ever witnessed.
I had to put the twins in the tub covered in poop because I couldn't wipe it off. I had to drain the poop water and refill the tub with the monsters screaming the entire time because they don't like to be in the tub with the water running- tough luck, poop monsters! Then I let them play in the tub while I began the gag-inducing chore of scouring doo-doo off of everything in their room. It took about 40 minutes and a couple of floor moppings before the room was no longer a biohazard, but I managed. But I can assure you that I will NEVER leave them to their own devices for that long again.
Oh, and I have an awesome household repair tip for you. If you ever find that you have a terribly scratched LCD screen on your TV because you allowed your five year old to watch tv in your room and he decided to scratch the crap out of the screen with a screwdriver just for the hell of it, you can make the scratches almost disappear by rubbing a thin coat of vaseline on the screen. Seriously, it works amazingly well, and because of that, we let Mason live another day.