Batman

We've got a bit of an embarrassing problem in my house, and it's getting to the point that I'm not sure we can take Hays out in public anymore. I'm not really sure how to explain this without coming off as the world's biggest racist, but I swear we're not. I'll start at the beginning....

A few months ago, Hays developed a real fondness for his older brother's action action figures, Batman in particular. And who can blame him- Batman's a cool guy, he's got the cape, the mask, the Batmobile. The problem is the way his fondness for Batman has translated into real life. You see, we live in a pretty non-diverse community, and Hays hasn't had a lot of exposure to those that are not of the caucasian persuasion. I didn't ponder this too much until we went to Sam's a month or so ago and Hays greeted the cashier, who was a black man, with, "Hi, Batman!" At first, I was confused. Batman? Why Batman? Then I realized, Batman has a black mask covering his face, and this guy is.... Oh, crap, this is not good.

I hoped (and prayed) that this was an isolated incident, but no, of course not. For the past several weeks, every time Hays sees a black man, he yells out a friendly, "Hi, Batman!" Most of the time I try to keep walking and hope they don't hear him, but sometimes that's not an option. Like when we go to Publix, and invariably see the one black guy working there (seriously, the lack of ethnic diversity out here is kind of embarrassing) who is now familiar with Hays' s "Batman" routine and seems less than amused by it. Especially now that one of the cashiers has caught on, and asks Hays every time we go in (2-3 times a week) "Where's Batman?" I want to yell, "For God's sake, don't encourage him!"

This weekend it got to the point that something absolutely had to be done. Mason was playing with two little boys from the neighborhood, one of whom was black, and Hays was following him around saying, "Hi, Batman! Batman, hi!!" And seriously, enough is enough, so the following conversation took place:
Me: Hays, that's Raymond.
Hays: No, Batman.
Me: No son, not Batman, Raymond.
Hays: Batman.
Me: Raymond. Say Raymond.
Hays: Waymond.
Me: (clapping) Yes!!! Raymond!! Say, "Hi, Raymond!"
Hays: Hi, Waymond!
So I'm hoping that will end our unfortunate Batman confusion. Of course, now he'll probably call every black guy we see Raymond. Sigh........ Maybe we'll just stay home until we're all a little more politically correct.

The Great Closet Battle of 2010....

I have to start by saying I love my husband. He is a good man and I love him very much, but Matt and I have very different ways of doing things. My mother has always said that I have two speeds- full out and asleep. Matt, on the other hand, has three speeds- slow, slower, and asleep. It drives me nuts, but his laid back also helps balance out my frantic crazy, so most of the time it works for us. This weekend, it didn't.

Weekends around here are for all the projects we can't manage during the week, and this one was no exception. And this weekend's project was a doozy. Matt was going to tackle (with his mom's help) our god-awful disaster of a utility closet while I ferried Mason to soccer practice and the boy scout store 45 minutes away. He was going to put up new shelving, toss the mountains of junk that had been collecting dust for months and organize what was left. When I left the house at 11 am, I had visions of coming home to a nicely organized storage space instead of a cluttered closet that resembled an episode of Hoarders (minus mummified cats and rotting food). What I actually came home to four hours later was my MIL home with the kids while Matt was at Home Depot getting the shelving to get started cleaning the closet! Bear in mind- this was 3:00 in the afternoon!!!! What had he been doing while I was gone? Napping!!

Oh honey, you don't even want to know the details of the fight that went down then. My poor mother in law got to witness the door-slamming, cussing, ball of fury that I was at that point. It was not pretty. But geez, seriously? Nothing got done in four hours?? Oh wait, I take that back, he did manage to break the baby gate that keeps the twins out of the closet of danger and doom, so he had made it utterly impossible to keep them out of the disaster area. So essentially, he hadn't accomplished anything, but had instead made the situation worse, and made it so that the only way this closet was getting cleaned was if I helped him do it after the twins went to bed- arrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!

I was so tempted to sit my big ol' behind on the couch and let him deal with that bio hazard all on his own, but being the sweet, kind, wonderful wife that I am (ha!) I got in there and helped him muck out that disaster. Four giant trash bags and 3 1/2 hours later we had a beautifully organized closet that we can actually walk in without killing ourselves. And we can find stuff!!! It's glorious and amazing, and I've almost forgiven him for being lazy and worthless- almost.

Will

After an unfortunate run-in with a poke berry plant

Will. God, help us, that boy has had a heck of a week. Not that that's anything particularly out of the ordinary, since Will seems to have a magnetic attraction to trouble, but this week has taken the cake. It all started Monday afternoon soon after he woke up from a nap. I was in the kitchen cooking some chicken and Will was sitting on the sofa, quietly watching Sid the Science Kid- or so I thought. He was watching tv, however, he was also slowly jamming a long, skinny hair barrette into his ear and twisting it to the point that he lodged it in there. I had no idea this was going on until he ran to me crying with a barrette sticking out of his ear.

A trip to the doctor's office later, we had established that while he (luckily) hadn't punctured his eardrum, he had scraped up his ear canal beyond anything the doctor had ever seen. Awesome. His ear canal is still filled with dried blood that liquefies and drips out every time I put his antibiotics in, and he still tells me every day "ear hurts!" but I haven't seen him stick anything in there since. So hopefully he's learned a valuable- albeit painful- lesson about sticking things where they don't belong.

Tuesday was the day of Houdini-like escapes. Even though we've known of his escape artist tendencies for a while and had taken safety precautions to thwart his attempts, he has gotten smarter and more wily since, so Tuesday morning while I was in his room rooting through drawers in a desperate attempt to find two matching pairs of little socks, he was in the den pushing the armchair over to the door so he could stand on it, undo the chain latch, open the door, and run across the street to the neighbor's house. And since one great escape was apparently not enough, he was returned that afternoon by a different neighbor who discovered him playing in her yard after he escaped the confines of the backyard. After a trip to Home Depot, the house and yard are now locked down better than a state prison, and if he can get past our latest safety measures, I swear to God, I'm putting together a traveling show and taking his act on the road!

Wednesday, what did he do on Wednesday??? Something- I guarantee it, but it slips my mind at the moment. We'll come back to Wednesday.

Thursday he managed to injure himself on a Rubix Cube. Seriously, his finger was bleeding. How do you draw blood on a Rubix cube? It's plastic. It has no sharp corners! But Will managed. And keeps reminding me by coming up to me every hour or so, holding up his tiny index finger and saying, "Finger hurts! Kiss?" Luckily, kisses seem to be doing the trick.

And this morning, in the span of one hour after waking, he poured creamer all over the floor while trying to drink it, grabbed a glob of butter while I was making their toast and proceeded to butter his hands, feet and hair, and gagged himself with his toothbrush to the point that he puked on the floor.

And honestly, while the injuries were a bit extreme this week, all of the other stuff is just par for the course with Will. He is exhausting. He is constantly and actively looking for ways to get into trouble. It's really no wonder that Hays' latest sentence (because he hears it so often) is, "Oh man, Will, dammit!" And yet he brings me more joy and makes me laugh more in the course of a single day than you can imagine. His smile lights up a room, and he has the sweetest, most loving heart. He is pure sunshine. And I just have to keep reminding myself of that as I clean up yet another mess, or rescue him from yet another predicament, or shame-facedly retrieve him from a neighbor's house after yet another escape!

Haysie on his big boy bed

Will pretending to be a doctor on a no-nap day

Mason and Chuck E. Cheese

Silly birthday boy

Looking all snazzy before Paige's fancy-pants graduation party

Well, my father in law pointed out last night that I'd basically abandoned my poor, lonely blog, and I felt guilty enough that I had to post! It's been basically two months since I've made it here, and plenty of things have happened. I've just been too lazy and facebook dependant to post about them! Okay, so we'll take it month by month.

May:

School ended- BOO!!!!! Mason was so incredibly sad. He seriously cried for close to an houthe last day. He kept telling me, "Mom, I'm going to miss school! I don't want kindergarten to be over. I love kindergarten. I'm going to miss Miss Kelli and Miss Beth and all my friends!" It was sort of hard to comfort him when I really wanted to cry too! I loved kindergarten as much as he did- he learned so much, and they kept him entertained and out of my hair 8 hours a day!!!

Matt turned 32 and we celebrated our 7th anniversary. Neither of those things were over-the-top exciting. We cooked steaks for Matt's birthday, woohoo, exciting. And for our anniversary, we got cheap tacos and margaritas at Taqueria Del Sol and went to see the new Sex and the City movie. It probably won't go down in history as the world's most thrilling anniversary celebration, but we had fun.

June:

Mason turned 6!!! Holy cow, 6. That doesn't seem possible. I have to admit, I was actually kind of depressed. Six seems so old. I was totally okay with five. Five is still a little kid age. But six seems to be the first step on the road to big kid, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Ready or not, the birthday happened and we celebrated in high style at Chuck E. Cheese. It was a zoo but the kids had a big time. And the grown-ups were happy because Chuck E. Cheese serves beer and wine. I will point out that my mother gave me a hard time about drinking wine at my own child's birthday party, so I did not partake of the crappy mouse wine. Instead, I had to make do with diet coke while my husband, father, sister and brother in law enjoyed mouse beer. (I do find it interesting that it was okay for Matt to have a beer, but not me. Hmmmmm)

Mason got more Bakugan than any one child ever should. Seriously, every gift but one was Bakugan. I guess his friends know him well. Of course, I'm sure the fact that he brought a Bakugan every week for show and tell kind of tipped them off.

After the birthday festivities, we settled into the long, hot, boring days of summer. It's averaged 10,000 degrees every afternoon, so we've been stuck inside waaaay too much. We've made it to my mom's pool a few times and the kids have had fun with that- even the water temperature is that of a warm bath. There has been lots of whining and fighting from the kids and plenty of yelling and threatening to run away from me. Luckily, we've had some visits from Aunt Ninny to distract us.

Mason had a week of bible school which provided not only spiritual enlightenment, but also a blissfull three hours of entertainment a day for an entire week. He's also been taking swimming lessons for the last two weeks, and he's really doing great with that. I mean, he's not Michael Phelps yet, but he can get partway across the pool without drowning, so yay!!

The twins made the switch to big-boy beds a couple of weeks ago, and that's been quite an adventure. They've actually done okay with it. There have been many times that they've played for an hour or more before finally giving up the good fight and going to sleep, and we've had to dole out a fair number of spankings and admonishments, but they're getting the hang of it. They're not getting out of their room- only because they can't since we've got a cover on the doorknob- but as long they're in their room, they're out of my hair.

I had a good time re-doing their room. It has a cowboy theme! I still have a couple of things to do to it, but maybe I'll post pictures when I'm finished. (I'm no longer making promises for future posts, because we have established that I'm lazy and unreliable)

But I will make a good effort to post again in no more than 2 1/2 weeks, because we're going to the beach!!!! Woohoo, St. Simons, here we come. And I know I'll have lots of tales and pictures to share with you, so check back soon.

So did y'all think I ran off to Asheville and never returned? No such luck. We had a fabulous time, but we did, alas, return to the cold harsh reality of three kids and a messy house. It was tons of fun and when I win the lottery, I'm definitely going to buy a log cabin on the side of a mountain complete with hot tub.
We haven't had any major milestone events since we returned. Well, Mason scored his first goal at this past Saturday's soccer game, so that was a milestone. I, unfortunately, missed said milestone because I was home sick with sick kids. Over the past two weeks we have hosted a revolving door of illnesses. It started with a sinus/ear infection for Will, followed by a wretched cold for Hays and pinkeye for Will, immediately followed by a wretched cold for Will and concluding (hopefully) with colds for mom and dad. Yay........
And today I finally got back to blogging because we're stuck inside due to torrential downpours. I currently have the twins parked in front of Barney and I refuse to feel guilt about that. I have already taken them outside in their rainboots to splash in puddles, and then I let them paint. And if you've ever allowed one toddler to paint, you know I damn near deserve a medal for letting two of them to go at it!! It was messy, but now we have some lovely art.
Speaking of art, I have to brag on my latest culinary accomplishment- I learned how to make bagels!!! Is that cool or what? Don't even try to tell me you're not impressed because even my husband was impressed, and it takes a lot to impress him!! Yeah, they're fabulous. The only downside is the carb-loading that comes from having fresh bagels at your disposal.
Oh, and one more big, fat brag. (I'm just full of myself today aren't I?) March of Dimes March for Babies was this past Friday and I raised......drumroll, please...........over one thousand dollars!!!!!! And that, my friends, is awesome. I walked with my Mothers of Multiples group and our team raised over $3000, so we were darn proud of ourselves.
And now we're plowing through the last three weeks of school. I'm looking towards the summer with a mix of excitement and dread. It's going to be awesome to sleep in, but summer afternoons can get awfully long. I'm trying to come up with a bit of a schedule so we don't all die of boredom. Plus, I've decided to embrace my white-trash side and buy a big ol' plastic pool for the backyard. It's one of those that's a step up from an inflatable pool, but not an actual permanent above-ground pool. It's tacky as hell, but if you've ever experienced summer in Georgia, you know it's impossible to get outside past 8:30 in the morning unless you're in a pool. And since 2 1/2 months of being stuck inside with three kids will certainly lead to matricide, white-trash pool it is!!!!
And one final note, a big happy birthday shout-out to my in-laws who share the same birthday. The Old Man is turning 60, which officially makes him the REALLY Old Man, but I guess that beats the alternative. So happy birthday, Pat and Ron, hope it's a good one!!!!

This was Mason's favorite egg. He called it the "Earth egg"

So here's some Easter goodness for you. It was fun, kind of exhausting, but fun! My mom's backyard isn't fenced and has some pretty precarious hills, so there was a lot of twin chasing. We hid eggs for the boys, but the twins didn't really get the hang of the hunting part. They'd pick up an egg, examine it briefly, toss it down and go running to the wagon or toy lawn mower! Eh, well, there's always next year. And speaking of the wagon, we did get to witness a rather impressive display of brute strength when Will lifted Hays out- by the neck. Funniest part was that Hays didn't even seem to mind!

Mason was definitely more into the egg hunt than his little brothers, largely due to the fact that he knew there was money in some of them! I tell you what, between Easter baskets from grandparents and this Easter egg hunt, that kid wound up with over $30!!!! Utterly ridiculous I tell you!

After everyone recovered from the Easter festivities with a nap, Matt and I took the boys up to the soccer fields and let them run around to their heart's content. Even though the twins took a late nap, they were ready for bed at 7:00 on the dot. I guess running around in the 88* sunshine (completely absurd for the first week of April!) tired them out!

It's such a beautiful day and we have great things on the horizon!!! 2:30 this afternoon officially marks the beginning of Spring Break and Mason is totally excited! (Though not as excited as his Aunt Bea who is a high school senior headed to Florida!) And Matt and I are only one week away from our first-ever in the seven year history of our marriage weekend getaway! WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!! We're leaving the kids in the capable hands of their grandparents (God bless 'em) and heading up to Asheville to a lovely log cabin on a mountain to do whatever we want for two whole days!!!!!! Not once will someone whine "maaaaaaamaaaaaaa" or ask me to get them a drink or a snack, or read a book, or play a game. Glorious!! And after a week with all three kids at home, God knows I'm going to need a break.
But this weekend we get to celebrate Easter in all its chocolate bunny, dyed-egg glory. Mason and I will be dying eggs tomorrow- the twins will not be assisting as that would lead to disasters of epic proportions. The eggs will be turned into deviled eggs faintly marbled with pink, blue and purple (don't you love those!) for Easter lunch at my mom's house. This year I'm making the ham using a selection of herbs from my herb garden (the ones that the twins haven't yet managed to destroy anyway) to try out Paula Deen's recipe for herb crusted ham. I'll also be making the most delightful spring dessert- it's a mandarin orange cake with a fluffy pineapple cheesecake frosting. It's a recipe from Matt's mom and it is sooooooo good. I can't wait to be with my family, eat lots of yummy food and watch my kids hunt Easter eggs in the backyard. I hope that all of you have a wonderful Easter weekend and eat all the jellybeans your heart desires!