Batman

We've got a bit of an embarrassing problem in my house, and it's getting to the point that I'm not sure we can take Hays out in public anymore. I'm not really sure how to explain this without coming off as the world's biggest racist, but I swear we're not. I'll start at the beginning....

A few months ago, Hays developed a real fondness for his older brother's action action figures, Batman in particular. And who can blame him- Batman's a cool guy, he's got the cape, the mask, the Batmobile. The problem is the way his fondness for Batman has translated into real life. You see, we live in a pretty non-diverse community, and Hays hasn't had a lot of exposure to those that are not of the caucasian persuasion. I didn't ponder this too much until we went to Sam's a month or so ago and Hays greeted the cashier, who was a black man, with, "Hi, Batman!" At first, I was confused. Batman? Why Batman? Then I realized, Batman has a black mask covering his face, and this guy is.... Oh, crap, this is not good.

I hoped (and prayed) that this was an isolated incident, but no, of course not. For the past several weeks, every time Hays sees a black man, he yells out a friendly, "Hi, Batman!" Most of the time I try to keep walking and hope they don't hear him, but sometimes that's not an option. Like when we go to Publix, and invariably see the one black guy working there (seriously, the lack of ethnic diversity out here is kind of embarrassing) who is now familiar with Hays' s "Batman" routine and seems less than amused by it. Especially now that one of the cashiers has caught on, and asks Hays every time we go in (2-3 times a week) "Where's Batman?" I want to yell, "For God's sake, don't encourage him!"

This weekend it got to the point that something absolutely had to be done. Mason was playing with two little boys from the neighborhood, one of whom was black, and Hays was following him around saying, "Hi, Batman! Batman, hi!!" And seriously, enough is enough, so the following conversation took place:
Me: Hays, that's Raymond.
Hays: No, Batman.
Me: No son, not Batman, Raymond.
Hays: Batman.
Me: Raymond. Say Raymond.
Hays: Waymond.
Me: (clapping) Yes!!! Raymond!! Say, "Hi, Raymond!"
Hays: Hi, Waymond!
So I'm hoping that will end our unfortunate Batman confusion. Of course, now he'll probably call every black guy we see Raymond. Sigh........ Maybe we'll just stay home until we're all a little more politically correct.