Things Are Coming Along....

So I told y'all I got an elliptical and it was killing me. That was a week ago, so here's my update. It's still killing me. BUT, I've stuck with it, increased my time, and- drumroll please- lost four pounds!!!! That's right, one week in, and I'm a fifth of the way to my goal. (At least, I think it's a fifth, I'm really bad at math.)

It's not just the elliptical, I'm also doing all that other crap like watching what I'm eating, portion control, cutting back on the vino. And it's working- at least according to the scale. And the weirdest part is that I look forward to exercising each day. Not because it's fun. Hell no, it's not fun. I feel like I'm dying. My legs feel like they might fall off and I'm sweating like a whore in church. Actually, probably more, LOTS more. But then, I'm done, and I've burned a bunch of calories and done something really good for myself, and it makes me feel freakishly good.

Even minus the four pounds, I'm still way more of a fatass than I'd like to be. I mean, I'm not circus fat or anything, but back in the day I was really little and cute. Now I'm more short and squat, kind of like a fireplug. But even though I still look in the mirror and sigh, it's a hopeful sigh. Because while I'm not there yet, I'm on the road. I'm getting there, and that feels much better than looking in the mirror, sighing, and eating ice cream! It's also motivating me to work on other things, like turning the twins into humans.

Let's face it, if you read this blog, you know they're pretty much wild animals. Part of it is just who they are, but part of it is me being lazy. Imagine if you had two chimpanzees loose in your house all day. You'd try to train them and housebreak them, right? But keep in mind that the whole time you're trying to train them, they're mashing bananas into their fur, throwing poop at you, and swinging from your chandelier, all while pointing and grinning their big chimp grins at you. It would get exhausting, right? And you would want to park their monkey butts in front of the TV just to get a moment's peace, right? Well, yeah, me too. But at some point, you've got to get those monkeys trained before they grow bigger than you and rip your arms off and beat you to death with them.

So that's what I'm trying to do with my chimps, I mean, twins. Less TV, more attention to manners, being persistent when it comes to making them listen and follow directions, more consistent with enforcing rules and consequences. It's exhausting. But I've been pleasantly surprised at their response. The better I am, the better they are. I took them to the library for story time yesterday, and it wasn't even awful! I'm going to socialize those cute little primates if it kills me!!!

I know we're only a week in, but I'm telling you folks, I'm going to own 2011. (Maybe? I hope??) But I've publicly stated it, so now I have to stick with it or face the shame and humiliation of failing in front of my entire internet community. Here's to hot, skinny mamas and well behaved kids!!!!