The Amazing Twin Adventure

I feel like I haven't posted in a while, but there really hasn't been much to post. And truthfully, it's been a hard couple of weeks, so I haven't felt like my attitude is worth sharing. Can I be brutally honest for a minute? Being the mom of three young kids, two of them babies, is hard. I try to share the joys and triumphs of our life with you guys, but all of us, especially those of us that are parents, know that life isn't all sunshine and roses. I've been having a tough time with my kids over the past few weeks. I've already told y'all about Will's unbearable screaming. Though it has improved, Hays has picked up that lovely habit and now they have this really fun game of trying to out-scream and outcry each other. It's deafening and maddening and makes me want to kick them both into next week. And when they're not screaming or crying at me, they're climbing my legs or biting me or pinching me, or biting and pinching each other while trying to climb me. It is exhausting. That is not to say that there are not moments of joy in every day. There are, but it has seemed over the past couple of weeks that the scales have been tipped on the bad side. Mason is out of school, and that hasn't really helped matters. When Mason gets bored, he gets obnoxious. He's a high energy kid and he likes lots of stimulation and he is prone to act out to get attention. Not only that, he is the most argumentative child on the face of the earth. Basically, he's me all over again, and it's very hard to raise a mini version of yourself. He's also loving and charming and hilariously funny, but once again, I've seen more of the obnoxious side lately.
I think a lot of this can be attributed to desperately needing a BREAK!!!!! I am with my children 24 hours a day all week long and I usually use weekends to get out on my own and recharge some. I am lucky to have a husband that watches the kids willingly and lets me get this mommy time. But last weekend Matt had a huge project going at work that required him to work all weekend- literally. He came home at 1 am Friday night, worked from 8:30 am to 2:00 am Saturday and Sunday he was there all day except for Mason's baseball party, and worked through the night, finally getting home at 6 am Monday morning. So it was a hard week that turned into a hard weekend that led into another hard week. Because of that, I have not really been able to embrace the joyous parts of daily life and have really just wanted to run away and let someone else take over this zoo. Every mom has a breaking point and I have pretty much hit mine.
Luckily, today was better. The kids seemed less screamy and obnoxious and I was able to enjoy them more than I have in days. Instead of thinking "Oh dear God, someone get me out of here before I drown every last one of them in the bathtub!!" I was able to recognize how sweet and precious and wonderful they are and how lucky we are to have them. And I was able to be grateful for how lucky I am to have the life I do. It can be exhausting, frustrating, and mind-numbingly boring, but it is wonderful as well. I am blessed with three smart, healthy, happy children. I have a husband that is kind and loving and works very hard to support us so that I can be home to raise our children. We have a house (albeit small and cluttered) and food on the table and enough money to keep the bills paid (if not much else!) We have the unwavering support of our families, and we are lucky enough that they live close by and are always willing to babysit. A mom at preschool told me she was jealous of my "luxurious life" because I always had someone to help me with the kids. I almost laughed punch out of my nose at that one, but she's right. I wouldn't describe my life as "luxurious," but I'm damn lucky to have the help that I do. That is one regard where I am quite spoiled, and I'm thankful for it. I am grateful that God has given me the ability to find true happiness in the small things in life. Today I made pesto from the basil I grew in my little container garden and the fact that I made actual food out of something that I grew in my yard made me absurdly happy! I am grateful for the fact that for the first time in my life I am absolutely confident in who I am and what my purpose is. That doesn't mean that I don't sometimes wish I was someone different, but most days I'm quite happy with who I am.

I know this was sort of a rambling, pointless post, but it is what it is. Welcome to the amazing twin adventure when things aren't so amazing. Thanks for bearing with me, and for bearing with all of us as we get through this crazy thing called life. I appreciate all of you that are out there praying for us and cheering us on.